Male Birth Control

Once upon a time, long long ago, when I had less regret and more hair; I was a young and vigorous man. I had dreams of being a writer of tasteful erotica that catered to niche groups who were otherwise, pardon the pun, uncovered. A series of novels about mimes and circus performers, or the vast number of dwarves out there who have little to no representation in the market. Alas, my dwarfrotica series never left the ground. No, rather it was permanently hanger'd by a wonderful occurrence which I would like to say has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Parenthood.
Yes when my wife and I first settled down, we had talked about having a family, but what was the rush right? I was 39 and she 37, we were young with all the time in the world. However, it would seem fate and some misplaced pharmaceuticals had different plans.

I love my children, I really do, but I only know that now. In an alternate time line I would have been another E.L. James. "Well," you might say, "it's writing, your doing that now with kids, why couldn't you have, or still be, the  E.L. James of dwarves?" Have you ever tried to write a steamy dwarf scene to the sound of the Sponge Bob SquarePants theme? That's why.

My failed aspirations though, are not the focus of today's post, no today I act as a voice of experience and reason, calling out to the men of the world with this life saving message: Just take the needle. It would appear a new male birth control was being tested and though the study was pulled, the minds behind it are thankfully still trying to work out the kinks. However, a projected time of public realization is at least a decade out. It has also come to my attention that one of the biggest complaints by the male test subjects (aside from acne, mood swings, and the other side effects which women have dealt with directly, and for which we have soaked the critical fallout) was that the drug was an injectable. I was shocked to be honest.

The way I reckon it, there are two types of men; those with children and those without. Those whom already know the joys of parenthood, I would think, would be at the head of the line begging, jumping into a pit of BC needles a la Saw II. Those without most likely know those with and would likely follow suite. Now, there has been a lot of articles about this subject. "Why can't men toughen up and deal with what women have dealt with for decades?" Ask's one side "The test subjects were experiencing hyper rage and hurling feces at the lab technicians!" says the other side (Not really an exact quote, but the gist). These questions and observations echo through the great halls of social media to this very moment.

What does the Critical Brow have to say? Simply this; I don't care how it comes about, I don't care how many lab techs have their throats chewed out by rabid, hormonal men beasts. This male birth control needs to be a thing! Birth must be controlled once and for all! Far too long have women bared this burden alone, it is about time we manned up and aided in the one true conflict against an adversary shared by all walks of life. Children.