And so it begins...

And so it begins. The election is over, and the victor has been chosen. Donald Trump, is the 45th president of the United State of America. What does this mean for us though? I have been perusing the usual hot spots for accurate information on the subject such as the Onion and Reddit. Even these luminaries can not forecast the future with the precision I so hunger for. Therefore I decided to take matters into my own hands and consult an old standby in such times of uncertainty; the Tarot.



The Tarot is an ancient practice used to glean insight into events veiled in the mists of an unrevealed future. As no other news or social media resource can seem to see beyond election day I felt it was my duty to pierce the fog of tomorrow and bring forth the possibilities. To do this I knew the first step was to relax, and in order to do so, I switched from my khaki's into a pair of elastic waste sweat pants. I gathered my materials. Several candles to light the room that I may focus on the act of scrying. A 64 oz bottle of "Voltage" Mountain Dew that I may raise my mind to a level that could communicate with the spirits. A deck on Tarot cards purchased from an ancient and powerful witch in Salem MA on October 30th 2015 (as I was unwilling to deal with the crowds on Halloween proper). I also put a CD by Enya on repeat, that I may summon the wisdom of the Celtic deities to bless by reading. Then, I began.

After four hours of flipping cards, drinking soda and asking the spirits for a sign, I came to the following conclusion; we are boned. The cards said it all. Donald Trump, the prince of coins, would bring about the the fall of the tower (america) after defeating the wicked witch of the west (Hillary).
I have decided that the only logical thing to do now is to amass as many canned goods, guns and bibles as possible because this is where the train stops people. This is the end of times!
I realized immediately that the wisest course of action was to sell all my earthly goods and take up residents within the safety of a compound and pray for salvation from the welling madness...

Then I remembered. Mr Trump, whether the salvation or downfall of America is just one man in a system designed to ensure that one man (or woman someday) didn't have the power to single handedly F up the entire free world. I took a deep breath and emptied my cart on Cabela's website. Things will be tough, I realized, but only as tough as we make them. Mr Trump was elected, some may back him, others may revile, but all have to wake up tomorrow and deal with their rotten kids and soul sucking job. In this state of shared misery, can't we all just get along?